Letter from a fan

Dear Kate Gosselin,
Hi, I am a big fan!  I totally support you in what you're doing *errrrrrr!* back up, start over.  I'm not that kind of fan.  Here's the real fan letter.
Dear Kate,
Um, hi.  Could we please be best friends?  You and I are totally one of a kind in our parenting.  You are so sarcastic and fab with your children, although you know them deeply and love them even deeper.  I think that you say the exact same words that I've said to my children, and we are bosom buddies even though you don't know it.  I think you're sassy and a little to the left of rude, and I can tell you right now that I love it.  All those peeps out there who think you're a beehotch are just softies who can't take the truth.  I talk to my husband like you used to talk to Jon.  Difference there is, that my husband isn't a spineless EdHardy clothed d-bag.  He can take it.  And he dishes it back, which we all know is what we sassy sarcastic girls want.  You're going to raise kids who can mess around with you and joke and tease and laugh and take it!  And they'll give it back to you!  Some might say it'll create an un-loving environment to be in.  I laugh in their faces.  We girls need to show the world that we can be brats, but we love fiercely too, and that's what matters.  Family comes first, but they get our love shown differently than is conventional.  Our sugary sweetness is reserved for those fools we have to deal with at Starbucks who can't figure out how to make a Hazelnut Signature Hot Chocolate (ummmm, add hazelnut flavoring, hi).  Little do they know they are being belittled voraciously in our minds.  Our family though?  They make us insane, so let's tell 'em!  Let's tell them they're being little trolls!  It'll toughen their hide and make them much cooler to be around later in life.  Now on one, two, three.... lets roll our eyes together at the critics!  Stay sassy Kate!  You know I will, and I will silently watch your show and wish we were besties, because we would have so much fun. 
Love,
Abbey
PS I love your hair and if I didn't have a long horse face, I would totally have short hair too.